The Start Of A New Day

Well, here it is.
The beginning of the rest of my life.

I feel like I have been floundering along for quite some time now, with no real perspective of what I'm doing or where I'm going, and it's transferring itself into my day-to-day life, which is categorically NOT GOOD.

I have found myself making mistakes, doing crazy awful things which I would never have even dreamed of doing two years ago and well, it's really getting me down. Recently I feel although I have grown and become more of an (whisper it!) adult, I have also just sleepwalked through the last part of six months and allowed things to happen to me rather than take control.

I believe this is mainly due to the fact that I am a bit in denial about my life at the moment. I am not where I want to be in my life plan - which is scary. I am not living somewhere I want to live - which is emotional (am I the only one who needs to feel 'at home'?) Things are changing. My dog is looking more and more old and gnarly (sad), my clothes are becoming old and tired (annoying) and my kids are becoming their own people (great).

I have never seen myself as one of those people who needs to be in control, but clearly I do. If I don't take control, things, it seems, just appear to fall apart in a way I don't like. Have I got high standards? I don't know. But I am getting annoyed when standards aren't met - and I can't be annoyed, because they are my standards, no-one elses and I am the one who should meet them.

I have been happier I guess in my denial phase. I've been less stressed, easier to be around and less annoyed generally. However it does mean the house has been a constant shit-hole, things haven't been done and we have all suffered as a result.

So here we go. Time to get my ass in gear and get some control.

Hold on tight!

So: plans!

Plans, plans, plans! (It's all easier to do when it's written down)

1. Get house organised.
2. Get a new job - feel happier.
3. Plan more days out - be happier
4. Do more writing like this - think happier.

I am happier when I have things planned. I realised yesterday that I have already managed to pack a lot into my life and I don't want that to stop now. It's all about growing and developing and moving forward.

So here goes!